To Be Frankie

To Be Frankie

A friend of mine is a doula matchmaker. She's a pisces and oh so intuitive. She knew I'd fall for this coffee maven and her calm quiet husband. It feels silly to always say how lucky I am, how these amazing couples come to me and I get to mother and love on them. It seems trite and repetitive...but how can I explain it? How can I continually be so blessed? I think it's because I asked God to guide me in this work, to explicitly show me, without question that this is what He has called me to do. He has built my heart for it. This falling in love, this mothering. He built my heart to open and open over and over again. And to let go. That's the hardest really, knowing the space and the place you fill and when it has been done, the leaving. You want to gather all these humans to your breast forever. 

So on a chilly fall day I got to down coffee and hardly talk about birth, but about life and relationships and human nature, and art with this fabulous mother to be. We continued this on a chilly Friday night prenatal where I stayed too long and felt again as if I hardly spoke of birth and babies, but I think we did. 

On a balmy, misty-rainy night in February her water broke. Of course I said go to bed and texted through the early morning hours until I went to them and it was clear we needed to move things to the birth center. As hard as it was to bring this little aquarian earthside, her fiery Mama did it. She gave in, waited, felt wild and yet fully in her power. She pushed hard when needed and listened to herself and to the guiding voices around her. And a Sunday girl was welcomed into this world. With thoughtfulness and reverence she is parented. 

But that's part 3. 

Until then. 

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The Birth Story of Lucy

The Birth Story of Lucy

Sometimes the grayness gets you. Sometimes the disappoint covers you and you don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes you're just scared of what might go wrong again that day.

It could be seasonal. Situational. Or your new normal. Hormones are evil little buggers sometimes. 

Sometimes though everything works outs. Sometimes fear is conquered and bullies get beaten. Sometimes you get to see crow served for lunch. 

Sometimes you get to see this.

Thank you Lauran for working your butt off and not chucking me to the road when I told you to go to bed so many times. Or that you had to push. Thank you for every powerful push. Thank you Janelle for believing in her and seeing your pure delicate gift in action. Thank you Josh for being the sweetest. Thank you Lucy for doing all the things to give your Mama an amazing birth. 

Thank you God for bringing me to this work and not letting me go. 

You can have a big baby. Lauran pushed in a full squat and delivered Lucy on her hands and knees. And with an intact perineum.

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Awaiting Frankie

Awaiting Frankie

Among Animals, we're the aberration: 
want appropriates us, 
sends us out dressed in ragged tulle, but won't tell
 

where it last buried the acorn or bone.

I was wading through photos this afternoon, when the sun cracked open the snowy sky and I realized I hadn't shot one documentary session last year. Not one moment of real life. Yes, birth is all of that, but I miss asking someone to let me come in and just be with them, give little to no direction. My baby moon sessions yield sweet newborn photos, but they lack the real life I like. See, a documentary session is risky. You may walk away without getting the images you imagined. They imagined. That happened a couple of years ago and I think I sort of froze. And everyone expects direction, they sigh with relief when I pose them. I understand-- because being uninhibited is uncomfortable. And I've fallen into a habit of making it easy for myself. I know I'll get the shots with some direction and I'm blessed to have clients that trust my weak ability to direct them enough to get the moments we both cherish. But I want more risk. I want more failure. I have something up myself sleeve for this year so stay tuned. 

But hey it's also a blogpost! My goal is 2 a month so I'm on it!

These guys here though. We were match made. No kidding. 

I adore all my clients. They know this. I'm crazy lucky and blessed and feel like there is some client magnet out there bringing me these lovelies. But every once in awhile I just want adopt them. Thanks for letting me be weird, you two.

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