Sometimes the grayness gets you. Sometimes the disappoint covers you and you don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes you're just scared of what might go wrong again that day.

It could be seasonal. Situational. Or your new normal. Hormones are evil little buggers sometimes. 

Sometimes though everything works outs. Sometimes fear is conquered and bullies get beaten. Sometimes you get to see crow served for lunch. 

Sometimes you get to see this.

Thank you Lauran for working your butt off and not chucking me to the road when I told you to go to bed so many times. Or that you had to push. Thank you for every powerful push. Thank you Janelle for believing in her and seeing your pure delicate gift in action. Thank you Josh for being the sweetest. Thank you Lucy for doing all the things to give your Mama an amazing birth. 

Thank you God for bringing me to this work and not letting me go. 

You can have a big baby. Lauran pushed in a full squat and delivered Lucy on her hands and knees. And with an intact perineum.